Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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