I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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