i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
