I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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