hotel room ftw
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
