; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
