i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
