Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
