i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My pussy is not your playground.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
