every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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