my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
