Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
