My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
