If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
