So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
