Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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