I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
