I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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