But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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