Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
