I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
