Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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