You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Couch. On fire.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
