i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
