are you still at the devil's house?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
