OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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