she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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