Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just had sex on a roof
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
