I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
