Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
