Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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