I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
