i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
