Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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