girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
