it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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