i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
