I wish they made helmets for livers.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
