Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
