god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
