I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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