she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
