Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
