I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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