We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
