thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
