life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
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