Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
