I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
