a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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