Soap is not a condiment
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
