So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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