the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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