Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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