I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
